A little less than a week ago I began having quite a bit of anxiety over how I was going to face my first Valentine’s Day without my Valentine. In December 2018 my husband Terry suddenly passed away. I’ve been with Terry more than 1/2 my life and we’ve never been apart on Valentine’s Day.
I was anticipating a painful day on February 14th, completely stricken my grief, perhaps not even able to get out of bed.
In the middle of my anticipatory grieving anxiety, I suddenly realized that doing something for others might be the solution to dealing with Valentine’s Day.
For the past 5 weeks I’ve been in a difficult but awesome Spousal Loss Grief Support Group that meets weekly. It suddenly hit me that all the widows and widowers in the grief support group with me were facing the same dilemma of their first Valentine’s Day without their Valentines.
So why don’t I invite them all the be my Valentines?
And that is just what I did.
For My Valentines
For the men in my grief support group:
Terry’s favorite cookies were the Molasses Crinkle Cookies that I loved to make. I’ve done little cooking and no baking since he passed so it was a pretty big thing to open my cookbook and actually bake something.
I made a huge batch of these cookies and it felt good to bake again, so good that I actually experienced a sweet moment of joy as I assembled the ingredients.
I put the cookies in a basket and included little sandwich bags for them to take as many as they wanted home.
For the women in my grief support group:
I gave them each little wallets. If you are new to my blog here is a post about the little wallets I made a zillion of since I first became obsessed with them – “Little Wallet Madness” . If you are not new to my blog then you know all about little wallets and some of you own some of my little wallets you won in my blog anniversary drawings!
For the group facilitator:
I gave her a set of my little heart pillows, as she has been helping us heal our hearts.
I then made “Oregon Healing Hearts” valentines using my circle punch and heart punch from my card marking supplies with Oregon/outdoor themed colored papers:
People had the option of an “Oregon Healing Heart” with a dog in the middle of the heart (as I consider dogs healing) or a plain heart:
Here is the whole set up I surprised them with earlier this week at our weekly Spousal Loss Grief Support Group:
I think it went over pretty well. The facilitator let me present them at the start of our support group meeting.
The men were willing to share their cookies and both the men and women got to take home some cookies if they wanted. There was laughter, smiles and hugs despite the difficult topics we discussed at that support group session.
Feeling at Peace
Today is Valentine’s Day and I feel at peace. I think it is because I stepped outside of myself and my grief and thought of others for a moment.
Day and night wallowing in my grief was not working for me, even if everyone expected and supported it. I had to try something else. That’s where my grief group came in, my unexpected valentines.
Grieving is hard work, maybe the hardest work I’ve ever done. It’s definitely a hobby I don’t recommend for anybody. But, if you’re suddenly find yourself a member of the club that no one ever wants to join, find a grief group. Part of what I have learned from this experience is, don’t try to go it alone.
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
―
Awww….that’s so wonderful of you and I bet it will really mean a lot to them throughout today. Those cookies look DELICIOUS, by the way!!
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Thanks so much Tammie and they do not taste too bad either 🙂
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Tierney, I am so incredibly impressed by your decision to celebrate LOVE by caring for others! You honored yours and Terry’s love in such an amazing way! Way to go woman! I am seriously so proud of you! Much love today and everyday! Xo
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Thanks so much Dana – hugs to you and before you know it I can give you a hug in person 🙂
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❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Yay to you for being a compassionate, forward thinker! The best way to help ourselves out of a difficult time is to help others. I continue to keep you in my prayers. A fellow Bendite and quilter, Corni Q
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Thanks so much for your comments and I appreciate being in your prayers! 🙂
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You are a treasure….
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Thanks so much 🙂
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You’ve made my day as well! Your blog is always on the top of my reading list. Thank you.
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Thank you so much! I am honored to be at the top of your reading list 🙂
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What a really very clever idea you came up with, especially baking again. Well done you, you spread the love today.
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Thanks so much 🙂
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That’s really awesome! Thank you for thinking of others! ☺️
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Thank you so much and thanks for your comment 🙂
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Wow this post is amazing. You are such a strong person, and so compassionate that you’re bringing joy to others through your talents. You go girl! And I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your husband, but no doubt he was right in the kitchen with you when you were baking those cookies for others!
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments, I really appreciate them. I would like to think he was in the kitchen with me 🙂
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Tierney, you are amazing! I just printed off your Ralph Emerson quote, which i will no doubt post in my room along with many other inspirational quotes. You have made a difference in so many lives, including mine. -Mary
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Hello Mary! I am so glad you like the quote. Thanks so much for your comments 🙂
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“I made a huge batch of these cookies and it felt good to bake again, so good that I actually experienced a sweet moment of joy as I assembled the ingredients.”
I love this description of being in the moment, regardless of icky circumstances…’experiencing a sweet moment of joy’
Plus you shared a bit of ‘him’ with those in your group by sharing those cookies.
Your post gave me a ‘sweet moment of joy’ reading of your journey through a first Valentine’s without your valentine…
hugs
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Thank you so much Laura! Your comments brought a very huge smile to my face. Hugs!
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Oh Tierney, I had no idea! I saw a post that said you were moving and I wondered if something was wrong, but I had no idea that you had been through such a traumatic event. I’ve been in and out at work for various reasons…which will be briefly mentioned in the addendum of the next Dewey Hop post…and I too have been grieving since the Mister passed away April 2, 2018…8 months before your husband.
My heart just goes out to you because this is also my first Valentine’s Day since losing my husband. Although I could never presume to understand your own struggle, I wanted to say that I do think it’s a good thing to focus on others while finding new ways to enjoy holidays and other important events.
I have another friend who lost her husband after a fight against brain cancer. Her husband and mine were good friends who often visited and encouraged each other in the hospital. He died just a few months after my husband. Even though I am hurting myself, it’s helpful to think about her and what I can do to ease her transition. We’ve discovered that the two of us can do things together–such as going out tonight on Valentine’s Day as a support for each other. We are moving on but if either of us has a weak moment we are there for each other and we feel we can talk about our husbands. Very similar to a support group. I’ve said all of this to say that you are doing the right thing to have surrounded yourself with people who understand and can support you while also trying to make their pain a little easier to deal with. When we give back we are blessed many times over.
I will be praying for you. Please feel free to contact me if you need to talk…or anything at all!
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I am so sorry I did not realize Mister passed away. If you mentioned it on your blog and I missed it, I am so sorry. Hugs to you. That is beautiful that you and your friend are helping each other through the difficult time and going out tonight. I am going out post Valentines Day with a couple of girlfriends. Thanks for having me in your prayers – virtual hugs to you!
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I had meant to say the same thing yesterday–that if you had posted about Terry, I must have missed that post.
I mentioned the Mister in a personal addendum to a post about bullying. https://wordpress.com/post/deweyhop.wordpress.com/7627 .
I’m glad you will be able to get together and go out with some of your friends.
Thank you for the hugs and I also send you virtual hugs.
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What a wonderful way to work through your grief, you are an inspiration!
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Thanks so much 🙂
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what a wonderful idea – may you continue to use this idea and others for festive periods as way to help others and of course yourself, changing the way a certain time period…is definitely a starter. Great for other reasons, I’m struggling with a certain issue, that is actually no longer a problem…my headspace is still in rattle mode, so now back to baby steps…
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Thanks so much!
I hope your issue you are dealing with works out for you, sending you good thoughts!
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You are an amazing person! What a thoughtful way to help yourself and others through one of many “firsts” this coming year 💓.
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Thanks so much dear Work Sister 🙂
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You are amazing. Always giving and thinking of others.
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Thank you but I did benefit greatly from it too 🙂
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“For it is in giving that we receive.” ~Francis of Assisi
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You are an inspiration to all!
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Thank you 🙂
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Tierney how awesome of you to find healing through extending love to others. You are so thoughtful. Hugs to you. ❤️
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Thanks Cindy and hugs to you too 🙂
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Well done. You are a true blessing to that group and your community. I have walked down that path and it is by helping others that we truly help ourselves. This is not like a surgery that you heal from or the flu that will pass, you find that there is a piece of your heart that will never be the same, but you do learn to live and walk and care again. Keep baking those cookies and sharing them with the universe. Happy Valentine’s Day.
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Thanks so much! I so appreciate your thoughtful comments 🙂
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💖
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Tierney, what a thoughtful gesture of you giving to those who are experiencing the same pain as you! You are amazing ♥♥
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Thanks so much 🙂
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You took a tough time and made life better for others – you’re a wonderful addition to life:)
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Awww – thanks so much AJ 🙂
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Once again your generous and loving nature rises to comfort and bring joy to others. You honor this world we live in. Peace and love, mj
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Thanks so much MJ 🙂
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Dearest Tierney,
What a sweetheart. I am a recipient of your love/cookies and wallet. Thank you for following your heart and sharing your love, with us, your grieving friends. You have forever touched my heart with your kindness, generosity and love. May you be blessed today!
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Hi Carol! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog, I am honored 🙂
Blessings to you too!
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The other commentators speak so eloquently of your compassion, wisdom and strength, which is so true. This was a wonderful thing to do, and I love how you have included the things you love ~ baking, quilting, making, giving. The other side is that you have found a pathway through difficult a moment that honours your love for Terry. I hope it gives you strength to find other pathways for other difficult days in the year. xox
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Thanks so much! I so appreciate your thoughtful comments 🙂
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Beautiful. Happy Valentines Day, Tierney.
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Thank you Carolyn!
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Well done, such a wonderful and uplifting blog to read on Valentines Day. A warm hug and a peaceful night is being sent your way.
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Thank you so much and hugs back to you!
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I think that is a positive way of getting through this day. Sharing, giving and remembering the joys and taste of Terry’s favorite cookies. Blessings to you and your friends in your support group. Hugs to my quilting sister. ❤
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Thanks Kathy hugs and looking forward to seeing you in the semi-near future 🙂
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I admire how you faced it head on. And somehow shone a light when it was very hard to do that.
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Love continues, even when life does not. Bless you for sharing the love you feel for Terry with others. I am sure it helped make the week easier for all of you.
I have wondered how Mike is doing without Terry. I know they were very close.
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Thanks so much. Mike is doing okay and taking one day at a time like me.
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Tierney, you are a very special person who brought light to others even in the midst of your own grief. What a beautiful heart you have.
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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Oh Tierney, that is an amazingly sweet idea! I can only imagine how you’ve inspired the group to continue sharing their love with others, and I am once again impressed by your ingenuity and resourcefulness. Turning your concerns into positive actions is truly wise.
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Torben! How lovely to see your comment on my blog. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. 🙂
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What a great idea! Helping other people, and doing things you know you are good at, are both excellent healers. Good for you!
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Thanks so much 🙂
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Beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing it. You will come thru this because you have a generous spirit. Thinking good thoughts for you.
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Thanks so much Donna I appreciate that 🙂
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Oh Tierney, what a beautiful thing to do
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Thanks so much 🙂
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i printed the recipe for thexookies 😁. i’ll be thinking of you both when i make them…XXOO.
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typos…😡 the cookies!
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That is awesome!
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🙂
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This is such a beautiful post, Tierney. It was so kind and thoughtful of you to respond to others’ grief and extend yourself to your group members with bakes and makes on Valentine’s Day. The cookies look delicious (I love molasses, and even cook with it), you know that I’m a lover of your marvelous wallets, and I’m sure your group members were very comforted by your generous and compassionate actions. ❤
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Thanks so much 😀
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well done, you are such an inspiration to me…in so very many ways.
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Thank you Christine I appreciate your kind comment 🙂
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