Grieving the loss of my husband whom I’ve been with more than 1/2 my life is a daily life-consuming experience.
It was like he was the “tether” that held me to this world, to this life.
Now friends and family attempt to try to reach up and grab “my string” to re-tether me as much as they can, but ultimately I have to learn to “tether” myself.
Recently I finished a powerful book that my grief counselor loaned me – Grieving Mindfully: A Compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping with Loss by Sameet M. Kumar PhD.

After reading this book I’ve been thinking about one of my favorite poems by Rumi (Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī – a 13th century Persian poet and scholar) – The Guest House.
I’ve shared it in previous posts but thought I would re-post it.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awarenesscomes as an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Postscript
I attend a weekly Spousal Loss Grief Support Group. Prior to today’s weekly meeting I’ve not shared with the other group members my plans to move to Colorado (see my previous post Colorado Bound (Part II)).
However, before the start of today’s meeting, another group member randomly gave me this little pocket card below and I’ve taken as another reaffirmation that I am headed in the right direction with my move to Colorado:
Feature Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash
It’s so interesting that you use that idea of TTQH tethering you, that without him it’s hard to stay anchored. I’ve written about this, too, I think using the same words! a few years ago as I still recovered from depression and anxiety. Jim has always tethered me. I can’t know at all how you feel with your loss of him, but I will presume that I have some idea of how you feel about being tethered by him, and how hard it is to stay in place without him. ❤
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Sounds like Jim is a good guy and tether. Of course you likely did some self-tethering as you struggled with recovering from a complex challenge – so hope you gave yourself lots of credit too. Thanks for your comments and sharing, virtual hugs 🙂
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Tierney, Your beauty shines through your words and your work. Bless you and thank you for sharing your experience. Yes, “The Guest House” is wonderful. I’m thrilled that you so soon seem to have a deep knowing of what you want and need to thrive. There’s your tether. Grab on! If you’re ever in Santa Cruz, CA. call me for tea! I’d love to meet you. Fondly, Carolyn
Sent from my iPhone
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Thank you so much! I also appreciate the invitation to tea and I will remember it if I am in the area 🙂
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Wow Tierney. Thank you for sharing the Guest house. It is so true no matter how long you spend with someone it never seems long enough. Your loss is insurmountable, but I am glad to see your are doing your best to start a new journey of your life. You are one strong lady. I think in life, we are somehow tethered to the one’s we love forever and they will stay with us and guide us through the remainder of our life. Virtual hugs. ❤
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Thanks so much Kathy I appreciate your thoughts. Hugs to you too 🙂
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This poem is so beautiful and relevant. Thank you for sharing it. And that lovely and timely heart card is yet another sign that you’re moving in the right direction. I’m all at once a bit sad (selfishly) and very excited about this new life you’re preparing for. It’s going to be spectacular….like you!
Sent from BlueMail
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Thanks MJ 🙂
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MJ — you should definitely come visit Colorado once she gets here! I know she will miss you terribly. You have a place to stay here if you need it.
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xoxo You are in my thoughts often, Tierney.
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Thank you Kris 🙂
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Sending thoughts your way, Tierney. Thank you for sharing that beautiful Rumi poem
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Thanks so much 🙂
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What a beautiful poem, Tierney! The timing of the pocket card was perfect –the universe is sending you hugs and adding strength to your wings 🙂
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I agree! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments 🙂
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My heart, and mind, is with you. I think of you often. I hope to see you when you come to our region. I will also understand if you are overwhelmed with well wishers. I don’t want to lose contact with you.
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Thanks so much Joan, hugs 🙂
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It’s interesting how little signs and signals, from unexpected places, arrive and help to point the way. That’s a beautiful card. In the image, it’s clear that her heart is taking her to a new and lovely place. Thanks for the Rumi reminder, too. Wishing you more healing encounters in your group, and elsewhere, as you continue to plan. ❤
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Thank you so much, I appreciate your thoughtful comments 🙂
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I love that this book has helped you as well as your grief counseling group & people. And I really love that you found this poem from your favorite poet!! It’s consistent advice between the two and it seems to have helped you find your strength to get through this. You are strong, and I admire you so much in how you handle this extraordinary challenge. Hugs, again and again.
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Thanks so much my dear friend 😀
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The poem by Rumi is powerful and thought provoking. I so understand that sense of being tethered…but not tied down. I missed your CO move post. Reading that next. what a great open & dynamic environment to move to. I’m looking forward to reading your reasoning.
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Thanks so much Christine for your comments 🙂
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Nice poem.
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Oh Tierney! My heart is breaking for you!! I love the poem and your idea to follow your inspiration. A new start is a good idea. I’m sure you know that we, your online friends are as near as a post. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Thanks so much Tracy. I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix in the evening as a distraction. I recommend the series “You” – very quirky and humorous spin on stalking (which is not usually a funny subject). I appreciate the support – virtual hugs 🙂
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Oh honey, I am so terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I too lost my husband of 26 yrs. My thoughts and prayers are with you, God Bless You honey!❤️️❤️️
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Thank you and I’m sorry for your loss too, hugs
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Thank you honey, stay strong!
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