I thought I would return to stories about our 2026 late Spring and Summer travels….
In May 2026, around my birthday, I did something very brave – I returned for the first time in 7 years to my beloved Central Oregon.
I haven’t been back there since I left in April 2019 and moved to Denver, Colorado for a new life adventure after my partner of 33+ years suddenly died in 2018.
I tried to return for the first time for my birthday in 2025 but cancelled as I was still unable to face returning.
Bend, Oregon was the most wonderful place I had lived in my life and I had a glorious 14 years there with my best friend husband, our dogs, and some spectacular friends. During my grief journey I have grieved the loss of my life partner and the loss of our beautiful life together which included getting to live in this special place.
I am not sure how to put it all into words, but it was very difficult to return to the magical place I left.
If you’ve followed my blog since my early days of blogging (I started tierneycreates blog in 2013) then you might remember some of the sweet stories I shared of life in Bend, Oregon. Stories such as hikes on Pilot Butte, the little mountain (officially it is a giant hill…) near my former home; trips to my beloved local downtown Bend library; bike rides around my neighborhood picking fruit to make into pies; adventures with my husband and dogs; and fun adventures with local friends. Bend, Oregon is where my transition from traditional quilting to experimenting with art/improvisational quilt began. It is where I got to be in my first quilt show – the Sisters Outdoor Quilt Show in 2007.
I guess I avoided returning to avoid the intense feelings of grief that would come with returning; but I knew I had to return as part of healing and closure. So return I did in May 2026 and the pain of my return was eased by loving Central Oregon based friends who welcomed and supported my return. John came with me to see where I came from before he met me and to be my rock during a difficult time.
DOG THERAPY
I love dogs and we spent time with my amazing friends (who have become John’s dear friends also over the past 7 years) MJ and J who adopt rescued dogs. They provided me with lots of dog therapy while I visited Bend.
It’s difficult to feel sad when there are plenty of wet noses nudging you to pet them or snuggle with them!
VISIT TO AN ALPACA FARM
On my birthday, MJ and J took me to Crescent Moon Ranch Alpaca Farm. We had a blast petting and feeding alpacas! They had a gift shop with all the hand spun alpaca yarn you could imagine!
A LITTLE CENTRAL OREGON ROADTRIP
On my birthday MJ and J took us on a little Central Oregon roadtrip and visited Sisters, Oregon, the Camp Sherman area, and Smith Rock State Park. I was reminded of the beauty of Central Oregon and John was introduced to it.
Smith Rock State Park (photo above) was the most difficult place for me to visit during the trip. I had so many wonderful memories of going hiking and picnicking with my late husband. When I saw the beauty of Smith Rock (the photo does not do it justice) I just lost it.
I took a little hike around the area on my own and finally found some peace.
I did during our travels in Central Oregon come across this magnet and tried to keep it in mind to get me through the visit:
THE NEW BEND LIBRARY
I loved the downtown Bend main library and visited it nearly every week (or more) when I lived there. That library closed and they built a new huge main library in a central location away from downtown Bend. MJ and J took us there.
It was beautiful but very surreal to me. I was in shock to see how my cozy beloved library had morphed into a modern huge structure. I wandered around on my own for a while trying to see if I could feel the “soul” of the place but it felt hollow to me. I appreciated the architectural design but it just made me sad for some reason. I felt like something special was lost by the community. (Also gone were all the library staff I used to know and visit with when I lived there for 14 years).
MORE TO MY VISIT
There was more to my visit but I seem to be only able to write about this trip briefly (I was originally going to make this a series of posts but I realized I can only write one post on this trip). I feel very emotional trying to put together this post.
I did get to reunite with some other very special friends during the trip. I saw my friend art quilter Wendy Hill who I’ve mentioned on this blog before. We had a lovely lunch at her home.
I had a wonderful breakfast get together with my beloved neighbor of 14 years J who lived in the house across the street from me.
I also got to visit with my wonderful friend L, who was there for me the 2nd worse day in my life (going to the funeral home) and got to visit with her wonderful family. We had dinner with her family at her table which was covered with the table runner I made her.
So I did it. I returned. Honestly I am not sure if I am up to returning ever again. Time will tell.
Postscript
In case you are wondering, I did go see my old home. John and I had a rental car and he drove us by it. At first my plan was NOT to go see my old home, it would just be too incredibly painful. But spur of the moment one early evening I decided I wanted to see it.
The good thing is that my old neighborhood looked fantastic and the area has really become built up. My old home also looked fantastic, the person who bought it has done a fabulous job of maintaining it. I couldn’t believe how lush and beautiful the trees and plants I planted all those years ago had become. The house looked better than when I lived in it.
But it was so difficult to see it and the neighborhood I loved to walk and bike around. I don’t have the words to tell you all what it felt like…except the words “profound loss”.
I so appreciate my life now and I have a wonderful life with John.
But to my fellow widows and widowers who follow my blog – I know you get it and I see you. Hugs to you all – you are stronger than you ever realized you could be. I am so proud of you as you faced unfathomable loss and grief and kept going on in life.
tierneycreates 